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[11 Oct 2006|03:36am] |
buildings crumble
at the sight and sound of the single profound
thing that came from your lips and filled the room with terror and lights
blinding blinding blinding my eyes, desguise and all the fall the fall of all men alike
shaking in their boots they say they build worlds though they tare them apart
they do it so intently, you could call it an art, the sword of words and fingernails
that claw and bring these buildings down to the earth and under where the fire likes to dance
would you say this is all in our hands, to build nations over peoples and their blood be our water
inside we seek what was once defined as the moment we wanted all our lives, this all relative. it does not exsist, and that being we are lost amoung the stars in this beautiful grace which we call life, just a creation to keep us busy, a gift that we were so graciously given though gratefull we are not. untill departure, it is something we never want. unless of course we find those things those things those things that never ever stay but make us want more, and bring us so high we cant reach the floor, untill one day we hit and knock our teeth loose, then its back to the drawing board where we starve ourselves naked and dry and not a single word or moment passes by and the letters and numbers come alined as they say, the only thing thought is 20 20 four.
yuhhhh
i dunno
i wasnt even looking at the screen when i typed that
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| street lights make up the dots |
[02 Oct 2006|12:49am] |
for pictures in light shows to other worlds
heh
what am i saying
I have to admit i was happiest then
but there nothing before us but more pavement and lines
lets take the same buss
i'll meet you at five
and again we will have our lives intertwined
we travel from nowhere
with no destination in sight
just smiles on our faces
and our past far behind
Lets meet as strangers
we wont say a word
all the while thinking
something quit obsurd
like
lets go find knots and untie them together
making stright lines, or something quite better
a web of tiny words that we cant get out of our heads
that keeps us awake while we lie in our bed
staring at the texture of the cealing above us
something i dont notice
theres something i dont notice
she's looking at me
but she wont say a word
but in her mind she says
dont let this drown
for all that we've worked for
these buildings are stable
dont let them fall
i'd offer you my hand
for all that its worth
i guess its ok if we share this curse
i can see where this goes just as far as the street lights show
and tonight their burning bright
why am i writing like this?
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| predominent |
[29 Sep 2006|01:31am] |
I want someone to be timeless with
but i always seem to mess that up
eh
i just needed to get that out of my head
i wish i could show the things i say, so that the person i am telling things to would completely understand and belive me
and wouldnt take it as something that someone just says for alternative motives
its good to see someone smile becuase of something i said, but i am not one to be thinking that to be the only reason i say something
i dunno, maybe i've got something mixed up
The moon doesnt hang quite as high as it used to
lets go find knots and untie them
and we can find shapes in stars and faces in clouds
and when it rains we have music
the sun will give us belonging
and the moon will give us guidence
but of course this is of your deciding
i'm ok with anything
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| nothing of the sort |
[26 Sep 2006|02:15am] |
shuffling through shipwreck, i am not going anywhere. I dont want to, i love this and that and all of the above. I have been stuck on sparta, god is an astronaut, sigur ros, the postal service, death cab for cutie, and sunny day real estate for the past few days.
this is an actual entery i guess
i just listend to such great hight by the postal service and it reminded me of jessica
thats weird
sorry i said your name here, i know you hate it.
i have been flooded with productivity and i have been drawing and painting like crazy
and my music writting has jumped forward greatly.
i have someone counting on me in this one
i am doing a piece soon, one to outshoot my favorite of right now.
i am putting alot into it, i promise.
i am going to get the sun and the moon tattoo'ed
i know its common, but it has meaning
i want a cresent on my left wrist, the sun on my right
and a full moon at the back below my neck
i guess i will get that along with Dum Spiro Spero under my colar bones on my chest
haha
the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days and days
and she thinks happiness is a matt that sits at her doorway
one thing, i miss courtney, she gave me a real hug the other day
and it was one of those that is actually felt, warm, and full.
i know she is going to read this.
hahaha
but i am happy, and my sister laelia is always there.
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[07 Sep 2006|01:37am] |
lock my arms
i dont want to move
persicion leads to overdone coffee mugs and correction, correction, correction.
he sat at his withering desk scribbling hidious letters that spelled out words about others who only exsisted to him
in his eyes, everything was black and white
a great historian he would have made
such a shame
though he saw only fact
lier he was written
for backstabber he was.
his characters exsisted only to him, but this was by name.
though with us they were all about.
it was true, he festered over these people and watched their every move, and how much he hated all of it.
was it this that made his stories come true?
who can say for sure?
though they say he exsists today in the heart of us all.
this is so bland, where did it even come from?
between the teeth of a dog, lets have tea and see if this place snaps shut and crushes us all. oh how i hope it does, it would be a good change.
as i aproch your door, my feet drag the short haired carpet that pulled down on me.
the sound of shoes against carpet peircing my ears and it seems every other part of my body, keeping it rigid and hard to move.
there was something there, in these moments of preperation.
i've been here before, these moments relived.
oh you know that i was there, you knew i was there.
and as i grasped the door handle, my eyes searched for any escape, as they often would in their cowerdly existence. shutting themselfs up at the confrontation of any fear, loud noise. or shifting way at any moment of truth.
my fingers felt heavy, and as i heard the lock click without seeing myself give force, i left my hand aquainted with the door as my mind was already inside, i saw that i thought was to happen.
my head low, i know this isnt good for my back. in an attempt to show myself off better, i strighten up, hearing my back pop once..twice...three, four, five, six.
oh what an ironic number, if you belive in such things.
the door pushing open, i heard what i thougth to be my last words in its creak.
and they were not of the sort that a smart man would speak, though that oppinion is obviously bias.
stepping in, the door swung closed behind me and i felt a cool breeze aproch me like a physical entity taking hold of me and it sent tidal waves of shivers through my body.
i saw you standing shocked in the doorway, your eyes werent even looking at me, but you most deffinatly saw everything about me.
your hair dark and falling in a fistfight with itself, you obviously didnt expect anyone, your nightgown would say the same.
and in this moment, i could have felt your sadness from across the room, as i often did when we had met before.
your knees i saw weak and tremmbling, my first though was to catch you and so it was that i did.
not something i often do, acting out upon my own thought, my own impulse, my own feelings.
no yours have always been so much more important, but only yours.
you would have no doubtedly pushed me away as you had before if you had the will and the strength to do so.
not out of anger or hatred, though out of independence and distrust of anyone and everyone who tried to get near you.
though this time, this time you trusted me, for what reason i dont know. though i did not ask questions as i helped you steady yourself.
and soon we found ourselfs setting in the widow of an old ladys home, watching her as she lived out the last of her days. we were those two objects that children often find covered in dust. in those old, small houses owned by their grandparents. those things that came from a time way before them and leave them with wonder in how things have come so far and how things could have been back then with when all people had were objects like us.we are those sentamental objects from ones childhood, someone who has now grown old and kept us with them as we stayed the same. we are the things kept together and never touched, we are stuck with eachother no matter what we couldnt move ourselves if we wanted to. its a good thing we dont have a problem with that and even if so. we have plenty of time to work things out.
did i happen to mention, i started with a grin i ended with a smile.
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[22 Aug 2006|03:59am] |
its been days apon days
every bone in my body is standing on its own
i have been deprived of things accustomed to me and its a wondeful thing
almost no one has seen or heard from me in days
it makes things better i believe.
my mind is screaming though, for some sort of in depth contact with someone. terrible that i seem to find it always, and always again it leaves me.
i suppose i wasnt made for all of this and i sit amongst others, alot others like me, but alot that are not and think they are, and alot that have no clue.
i've been singing this song for so long, i'd be fooling myself if i didnt know that i couldnt becuase i would catch on.
sometimes i set things up to see how they fall, becuase i know people take me for not what i am. i just like to do things to make it seem like i dont have a clue or to get something to happen, just to see if that person catches on that i knew it all along.
i still think to much, and i guess that could seem abnormal, but i know countless people that do it. so its not, and i am nothing special in this.
i suppose i am cocky then, oh well. if it upsets others, they can get over it. i dont believe i am so bad that i am not worth talking to. people always seem to stick around anyways.
my body has been a wreck for days now and terribly sore, i am glad i am not running off of my own strength alone here.
its funny
when i speak of things like this i get a jolt through my body
flesh, haha
i am glad i am progressing, i have much much more ahead of me.
what could really stop me?
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[14 Aug 2006|02:55pm] |
i fell asleep on the landing of the stairs last night with a coat on last night
i could sleep more, i want someone to tell me a story about themself
thats what i really want
i just want to listen.
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[12 Aug 2006|10:48pm] |
the guy that lived next door to billy got arrested the other day
13 proven accounts of him molesting is daughter
also
an aquaintence of mine, deante. sat infront of him in geology last year and talked to him almost every day.
yeah
he got hit by a car and killed
wooooo
awesome things are just comin out of nowhere this week arnt they?
but i guess i cant say i am to upset
actually i am not at all, well i am sad deante died, he was a cool guy
and i feel bad for the girl
so i guess i feel sadness for the two
i dont really have anything to say
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[06 Aug 2006|04:13am] |
yeah i know you know
kudos to you
you figured it out
but the simple fact that i wanted that in the first place
only makes me smile
i was hoping someone would stumble apon it eventually
i know if anyone would, it would be you
and you appriciate it for what its worth
a small handful of sunshine in this world which's shadow drowns out even the strongest
attempt to stand out
ah but what am i talking about?
you broke down my walls? opened the door?
i dont close doors, and there were no walls. illusion
the door is open as it always was.
to see me sitting so restlessly in this room.
i've all but fallen asleep waiting for someone, something to interest me to do more.
wake up.
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[04 Aug 2006|06:36pm] |
hahaha
my mom wants to introduce me to some 20 year old girl from her work
wtf
so random
i guess it couldnt hurt
whatever
my thoughts have been dead recently
i havnt had much on my mind
thank god
my mind was seirously moving way to fast at one point
i am glad i have hit a slow point.
i needed the rest.
this week has been slow and restful
i have hardly been home at all.
thankyou
its been wonderful
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[30 Jul 2006|10:56pm] |
i left igor the beetle in a bottle in my car
he is dead now
sorry igor
i learned alot about christine today
and she helped me
i got alot out
and i tried to help steve
it seemed to work
i feel i have work to do in a different area though
and i wish we had more time
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[30 Jul 2006|01:54am] |
today work was dead
it consited of me standing at usan for hours
i was very very bored
when a tiny praying mantis strolled in
i picked him up and put him on the uscan computer
i named him william
and he was my friend
i watched him climb things for hours and hours
then thanked him for entertaining me
and let him go when it was time for me to head home
i hope he is doing well
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[28 Jul 2006|01:17pm] |
eh sorry
i really have strayed
i gotta get back on track
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[28 Jul 2006|12:54am] |
is it a sign that i am not trying hard enough
that i do and get away with almost everything
and i care about almost nothing, so when i get caught
i couldnt really care any less?
and i pretty much get whatever i want, if i really want it.
sorry if i hurt your feelings
guess i'm not all that bad, if i feel sorry about that
but whats the point if no one belives me in that
everything pending on everyone else
i am just saying, words or obsolite
becuase they have been used to much.
now they dont even mean what they are supposed to mean to anyone else
if you tell me something in a serious manner, then please do be carful
every now and then i run across someone or something i actually feel compasion for
sad that everyone sees that as such a common thing
one thing is nice though
i somehow have the ability to dissapear and reapear from peoples lives
and not have to worry
its weird but
i have this sence that for some reason
if i just leave
eventually someone will come looking for me
actually this has been proven
even with people who have pretty much hated me before
find me later with kind intentions
today i had my eyes open more than usualy, and they were very shifty
i felt like a theif, of what i do not know
i just felt crafty and care free
and i just was pretty much doing whatever i wanted
i need a new body
mine doesnt have much to it.
and its worn
yeah i know
and one thing you were right about in the beginning
everything is simply "cool"
yeah i guess thats what i live by
and i guess thats why i am "behind in life"
but thats by whos standards?
people
everything pending on everyone else
yeah i am done with that, at least for the most part
i am not totaly terrible
i still care about things that really mean something
but who's standard is that by?
well if you know me, than you know what i mean.
i am not a judge
i cant die
i'd get up if a train hit me
what makes anyone think they can do much worse?
what makes anyone think they can do anything to me?
its the sole fact that if you actually have confidnece and persistance
you may actually acomplish something
so try and touch me
no seriously, try and actually do something that will last
impact me
becuase the ones who do are scarce
but i am so greatful for them, i cant even describe it.
and i will always honor them.
i dont close doors
and i am going to be around for a long long time
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[27 Jul 2006|10:43pm] |
one thing
with genneralizing
and putting people in groups
dont do that to me
cuase it doesnt seem to work that way with me
just trying to save you time.
i guess one thing i can say that is certain
i dont know if you will ever grow complacent in the thought
that you know me to the point of predicting everything.
yeah i know
i sound like every other person right?
hahaha fuck that.
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[25 Jul 2006|02:22am] |
talked to my uncle today
we leave for mexico sometime later this year
he said i could bring someone with me
maybe two people
i'd like to show a few people
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[23 Jul 2006|06:44pm] |
god my head hurts so much
i cant focus my eyes to well
i have been getting these sharp pains on the left side of my head over my temple
they have made me black out but only once, at work
i have asked to be taken to the docter, but my family wouldnt.
i think i am fine though, i dont have them so often anymore.
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[23 Jul 2006|12:19am] |
damnit
i wish i didnt know anyone
anyone
i shouldnt know anyone
i am a liar
right now i really dont like things in genneral
i need to get things out of my head
but i have no were to put them
becuase its not going to be here
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[22 Jul 2006|02:22am] |
i wish i was blank again
blank blank blank blanket
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[20 Jul 2006|06:59pm] |
The boys flew all the way home
their wings torn to bits
and when they walked through their doors
and asked the question "please, may we have more"
they got a bullet for reply
they fall silent
Those setinals that once brought them together
that stood so tall
now rest under their feet buried by the sand
mats to be walked apon
now you tell me
now you tell me
yeah
sh sh sh shackles
mechanical
fine tuned
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