urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories ohthestories ohthestories 2006-10-11T07:49:33Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:26655 2006-10-11T07:49:33Z 2006-10-11T07:49:33Z buildings crumble<br />at the sight and sound of the single profound<br />thing that came from your lips and filled the room with terror and lights<br />blinding blinding blinding my eyes, desguise and all the fall the fall of all men alike<br />shaking in their boots they say they build worlds though they tare them apart<br />they do it so intently, you could call it an art, the sword of words and fingernails<br />that claw and bring these buildings down to the earth and under where the fire likes to dance<br />would you say this is all in our hands, to build nations over peoples and their blood be our water<br />inside we seek what was once defined as the moment we wanted all our lives, this all relative. it does not exsist, and that being we are lost amoung the stars in this beautiful grace which we call life, just a creation to keep us busy, a gift that we were so graciously given though gratefull we are not. untill departure, it is something we never want. unless of course we find those things those things those things that never ever stay but make us want more, and bring us so high we cant reach the floor, untill one day we hit and knock our teeth loose, then its back to the drawing board where we starve ourselves naked and dry and not a single word or moment passes by and the letters and numbers come alined as they say, the only thing thought is 20 20 four.<br /><br /><br /><br />yuhhhh<br />i dunno<br />i wasnt even looking at the screen when i typed that urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:26473 2006-10-02T05:10:32Z 2006-10-02T05:28:22Z for pictures in light shows to other worlds<br /><br />heh<br />what am i saying<br /><br />I have to admit i was happiest then<br />but there nothing before us but more pavement and lines<br />lets take the same buss<br />i'll meet you at five<br />and again we will have our lives intertwined<br />we travel from nowhere<br />with no destination in sight<br />just smiles on our faces<br />and our past far behind<br /><br />Lets meet as strangers<br />we wont say a word<br />all the while thinking<br />something quit obsurd<br />like<br /><br />lets go find knots and untie them together<br />making stright lines, or something quite better<br />a web of tiny words that we cant get out of our heads<br />that keeps us awake while we lie in our bed<br />staring at the texture of the cealing above us<br />something i dont notice<br />theres something i dont notice<br /><br />she's looking at me<br />but she wont say a word<br />but in her mind she says<br /><br />dont let this drown<br />for all that we've worked for<br />these buildings are stable <br />dont let them fall<br />i'd offer you my hand<br />for all that its worth<br />i guess its ok if we share this curse<br /><br />i can see where this goes just as far as the street lights show<br />and tonight their burning bright<br /><br />why am i writing like this? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:26245 2006-09-29T05:35:55Z 2006-09-29T05:40:39Z I want someone to be timeless with<br />but i always seem to mess that up<br /><br /><br /><br />eh<br />i just needed to get that out of my head<br /><br />i wish i could show the things i say, so that the person i am telling things to would completely understand and belive me<br />and wouldnt take it as something that someone just says for alternative motives<br />its good to see someone smile becuase of something i said, but i am not one to be thinking that to be the only reason i say something<br />i dunno, maybe i've got something mixed up<br /><br />The moon doesnt hang quite as high as it used to<br /><br />lets go find knots and untie them<br />and we can find shapes in stars and faces in clouds<br />and when it rains we have music<br />the sun will give us belonging<br />and the moon will give us guidence<br />but of course this is of your deciding<br />i'm ok with anything urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:26039 2006-09-26T06:30:14Z 2006-09-26T06:30:14Z shuffling through shipwreck, i am not going anywhere. I dont want to, i love this and that and all of the above. I have been stuck on sparta, god is an astronaut, sigur ros, the postal service, death cab for cutie, and sunny day real estate for the past few days.<br /><br />this is an actual entery i guess<br />i just listend to such great hight by the postal service and it reminded me of jessica<br />thats weird<br />sorry i said your name here, i know you hate it.<br />i have been flooded with productivity and i have been drawing and painting like crazy<br />and my music writting has jumped forward greatly.<br />i have someone counting on me in this one<br />i am doing a piece soon, one to outshoot my favorite of right now.<br />i am putting alot into it, i promise.<br /><br />i am going to get the sun and the moon tattoo'ed<br />i know its common, but it has meaning<br />i want a cresent on my left wrist, the sun on my right<br />and a full moon at the back below my neck<br />i guess i will get that along with Dum Spiro Spero under my colar bones on my chest<br /><br />haha<br />the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days and days<br />and she thinks happiness is a matt that sits at her doorway<br /><br />one thing, i miss courtney, she gave me a real hug the other day<br />and it was one of those that is actually felt, warm, and full.<br />i know she is going to read this.<br /><br />hahaha<br />but i am happy, and my sister laelia is always there. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:25635 2006-09-07T06:14:55Z 2006-09-07T06:30:57Z lock my arms<br />i dont want to move<br /><br />persicion leads to overdone coffee mugs and correction, correction, correction.<br />he sat at his withering desk scribbling hidious letters that spelled out words about others who only exsisted to him<br />in his eyes, everything was black and white<br />a great historian he would have made<br />such a shame<br />though he saw only fact<br />lier he was written<br />for backstabber he was.<br />his characters exsisted only to him, but this was by name.<br />though with us they were all about.<br />it was true, he festered over these people and watched their every move, and how much he hated all of it.<br />was it this that made his stories come true?<br />who can say for sure?<br />though they say he exsists today in the heart of us all.<br /><br />this is so bland, where did it even come from?<br /><br /><br />between the teeth of a dog, lets have tea and see if this place snaps shut and crushes us all. oh how i hope it does, it would be a good change.<br /><br />as i aproch your door, my feet drag the short haired carpet that pulled down on me.<br />the sound of shoes against carpet peircing my ears and it seems every other part of my body, keeping it rigid and hard to move.<br />there was something there, in these moments of preperation.<br />i've been here before, these moments relived.<br />oh you know that i was there, you knew i was there.<br />and as i grasped the door handle, my eyes searched for any escape, as they often would in their cowerdly existence. shutting themselfs up at the confrontation of any fear, loud noise. or shifting way at any moment of truth.<br />my fingers felt heavy, and as i heard the lock click without seeing myself give force, i left my hand aquainted with the door as my mind was already inside, i saw that i thought was to happen.<br />my head low, i know this isnt good for my back. in an attempt to show myself off better, i strighten up, hearing my back pop once..twice...three, four, five, six. <br />oh what an ironic number, if you belive in such things.<br />the door pushing open, i heard what i thougth to be my last words in its creak.<br />and they were not of the sort that a smart man would speak, though that oppinion is obviously bias.<br />stepping in, the door swung closed behind me and i felt a cool breeze aproch me like a physical entity taking hold of me and it sent tidal waves of shivers through my body.<br />i saw you standing shocked in the doorway, your eyes werent even looking at me, but you most deffinatly saw everything about me.<br />your hair dark and falling in a fistfight with itself, you obviously didnt expect anyone, your nightgown would say the same.<br />and in this moment, i could have felt your sadness from across the room, as i often did when we had met before.<br />your knees i saw weak and tremmbling, my first though was to catch you and so it was that i did.<br />not something i often do, acting out upon my own thought, my own impulse, my own feelings. <br />no yours have always been so much more important, but only yours.<br />you would have no doubtedly pushed me away as you had before if you had the will and the strength to do so.<br />not out of anger or hatred, though out of independence and distrust of anyone and everyone who tried to get near you.<br />though this time, this time you trusted me, for what reason i dont know. though i did not ask questions as i helped you steady yourself.<br />and soon we found ourselfs setting in the widow of an old ladys home, watching her as she lived out the last of her days. we were those two objects that children often find covered in dust. in those old, small houses owned by their grandparents. those things that came from a time way before them and leave them with wonder in how things have come so far and how things could have been back then with when all people had were objects like us.we are those sentamental objects from ones childhood, someone who has now grown old and kept us with them as we stayed the same. we are the things kept together and never touched, we are stuck with eachother no matter what we couldnt move ourselves if we wanted to. its a good thing we dont have a problem with that and even if so. we have plenty of time to work things out.<br /><br />did i happen to mention, i started with a grin i ended with a smile. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:25546 2006-08-22T08:12:32Z 2006-08-22T08:15:44Z its been days apon days<br />every bone in my body is standing on its own<br /><br />i have been deprived of things accustomed to me and its a wondeful thing<br /><br />almost no one has seen or heard from me in days<br />it makes things better i believe.<br /><br />my mind is screaming though, for some sort of in depth contact with someone. terrible that i seem to find it always, and always again it leaves me.<br /><br />i suppose i wasnt made for all of this and i sit amongst others, alot others like me, but alot that are not and think they are, and alot that have no clue.<br /><br />i've been singing this song for so long, i'd be fooling myself if i didnt know that i couldnt becuase i would catch on.<br /><br />sometimes i set things up to see how they fall, becuase i know people take me for not what i am. i just like to do things to make it seem like i dont have a clue or to get something to happen, just to see if that person catches on that i knew it all along. <br />i still think to much, and i guess that could seem abnormal, but i know countless people that do it. so its not, and i am nothing special in this.<br /><br />i suppose i am cocky then, oh well. if it upsets others, they can get over it. i dont believe i am so bad that i am not worth talking to. people always seem to stick around anyways.<br /><br />my body has been a wreck for days now and terribly sore, i am glad i am not running off of my own strength alone here. <br />its funny<br />when i speak of things like this i get a jolt through my body<br /><br />flesh, haha<br />i am glad i am progressing, i have much much more ahead of me.<br />what could really stop me? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:25190 2006-08-14T18:57:43Z 2006-08-14T18:57:43Z i fell asleep on the landing of the stairs last night with a coat on last night<br /><br />i could sleep more, i want someone to tell me a story about themself<br /><br />thats what i really want<br />i just want to listen. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:24884 2006-08-13T02:51:29Z 2006-08-13T02:51:29Z the guy that lived next door to billy got arrested the other day<br />13 proven accounts of him molesting is daughter<br /><br /><br />also<br /><br />an aquaintence of mine, deante. sat infront of him in geology last year and talked to him almost every day.<br /><br />yeah<br />he got hit by a car and killed<br />wooooo<br /><br />awesome things are just comin out of nowhere this week arnt they?<br /><br />but i guess i cant say i am to upset<br />actually i am not at all, well i am sad deante died, he was a cool guy<br />and i feel bad for the girl<br />so i guess i feel sadness for the two<br /><br />i dont really have anything to say urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:24693 2006-08-06T08:19:32Z 2006-08-06T08:19:32Z yeah i know you know<br /><br />kudos to you<br /><br />you figured it out<br /><br />but the simple fact that i wanted that in the first place<br /><br />only makes me smile<br /><br />i was hoping someone would stumble apon it eventually<br /><br />i know if anyone would, it would be you<br /><br />and you appriciate it for what its worth<br /><br />a small handful of sunshine in this world which's shadow drowns out even the strongest<br /><br />attempt to stand out<br /><br />ah but what am i talking about?<br /><br />you broke down my walls? opened the door?<br /><br />i dont close doors, and there were no walls. illusion<br /><br />the door is open as it always was.<br /><br />to see me sitting so restlessly in this room.<br /><br />i've all but fallen asleep waiting for someone, something to interest me to do more.<br /><br />wake up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:24350 2006-08-04T22:38:19Z 2006-08-04T22:38:19Z hahaha<br />my mom wants to introduce me to some 20 year old girl from her work<br />wtf<br />so random<br />i guess it couldnt hurt<br /><br />whatever<br /><br />my thoughts have been dead recently<br />i havnt had much on my mind<br />thank god<br />my mind was seirously moving way to fast at one point<br />i am glad i have hit a slow point.<br />i needed the rest.<br /><br />this week has been slow and restful<br />i have hardly been home at all.<br />thankyou<br />its been wonderful urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:24229 2006-07-31T02:58:12Z 2006-07-31T02:58:12Z i left igor the beetle in a bottle in my car<br />he is dead now<br />sorry igor<br /><br />i learned alot about christine today<br />and she helped me<br />i got alot out<br />and i tried to help steve<br />it seemed to work<br /><br />i feel i have work to do in a different area though<br /><br />and i wish we had more time urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:23848 2006-07-30T05:57:01Z 2006-07-30T05:57:01Z today work was dead<br />it consited of me standing at usan for hours<br />i was very very bored<br />when a tiny praying mantis strolled in<br />i picked him up and put him on the uscan computer<br />i named him william<br />and he was my friend<br />i watched him climb things for hours and hours<br />then thanked him for entertaining me<br />and let him go when it was time for me to head home<br />i hope he is doing well urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:23688 2006-07-28T17:17:30Z 2006-07-28T17:17:30Z eh sorry<br />i really have strayed<br />i gotta get back on track urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:23522 2006-07-28T04:57:34Z 2006-07-28T06:01:50Z is it a sign that i am not trying hard enough<br />that i do and get away with almost everything<br />and i care about almost nothing, so when i get caught<br />i couldnt really care any less?<br />and i pretty much get whatever i want, if i really want it.<br />sorry if i hurt your feelings<br />guess i'm not all that bad, if i feel sorry about that<br />but whats the point if no one belives me in that<br />everything pending on everyone else<br />i am just saying, words or obsolite<br />becuase they have been used to much.<br />now they dont even mean what they are supposed to mean to anyone else<br />if you tell me something in a serious manner, then please do be carful<br />every now and then i run across someone or something i actually feel compasion for<br />sad that everyone sees that as such a common thing<br /><br />one thing is nice though<br />i somehow have the ability to dissapear and reapear from peoples lives<br />and not have to worry<br />its weird but<br />i have this sence that for some reason<br />if i just leave<br />eventually someone will come looking for me<br />actually this has been proven<br />even with people who have pretty much hated me before<br />find me later with kind intentions<br /><br />today i had my eyes open more than usualy, and they were very shifty<br />i felt like a theif, of what i do not know<br />i just felt crafty and care free<br />and i just was pretty much doing whatever i wanted<br /><br />i need a new body<br />mine doesnt have much to it.<br />and its worn<br /><br />yeah i know<br /><br />and one thing you were right about in the beginning<br />everything is simply "cool"<br />yeah i guess thats what i live by<br />and i guess thats why i am "behind in life"<br />but thats by whos standards?<br />people<br />everything pending on everyone else<br />yeah i am done with that, at least for the most part<br />i am not totaly terrible<br />i still care about things that really mean something<br />but who's standard is that by?<br />well if you know me, than you know what i mean.<br />i am not a judge<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i cant die<br />i'd get up if a train hit me<br />what makes anyone think they can do much worse?<br />what makes anyone think they can do anything to me?<br />its the sole fact that if you actually have confidnece and persistance<br />you may actually acomplish something<br />so try and touch me<br />no seriously, try and actually do something that will last<br />impact me<br />becuase the ones who do are scarce<br />but i am so greatful for them, i cant even describe it.<br />and i will always honor them.<br /><br />i dont close doors<br />and i am going to be around for a long long time urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:23085 2006-07-28T02:46:56Z 2006-07-28T02:46:56Z one thing<br />with genneralizing<br />and putting people in groups<br />dont do that to me<br />cuase it doesnt seem to work that way with me<br /><br /><br />just trying to save you time.<br />i guess one thing i can say that is certain<br />i dont know if you will ever grow complacent in the thought<br />that you know me to the point of predicting everything.<br /><br />yeah i know<br />i sound like every other person right?<br />hahaha fuck that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:22913 2006-07-25T06:22:49Z 2006-07-25T06:22:49Z talked to my uncle today<br />we leave for mexico sometime later this year<br />he said i could bring someone with me<br />maybe two people<br /><br />i'd like to show a few people urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:22692 2006-07-23T22:46:09Z 2006-07-23T22:46:09Z god my head hurts so much<br /><br />i cant focus my eyes to well<br /><br />i have been getting these sharp pains on the left side of my head over my temple<br />they have made me black out but only once, at work<br /><br />i have asked to be taken to the docter, but my family wouldnt.<br /><br />i think i am fine though, i dont have them so often anymore. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:22293 2006-07-23T04:24:17Z 2006-07-23T04:24:17Z damnit<br /><br />i wish i didnt know anyone<br /><br />anyone<br /><br />i shouldnt know anyone<br /><br />i am a liar<br /><br />right now i really dont like things in genneral<br /><br />i need to get things out of my head<br /><br />but i have no were to put them<br /><br />becuase its not going to be here urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:22270 2006-07-22T06:23:23Z 2006-07-22T06:23:23Z i wish i was blank again<br /><br />blank blank blank blanket urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:21889 2006-07-20T23:04:51Z 2006-07-20T23:06:45Z The boys flew all the way home<br />their wings torn to bits<br />and when they walked through their doors<br />and asked the question "please, may we have more"<br />they got a bullet for reply<br /><br />they fall silent<br /><br />Those setinals that once brought them together<br />that stood so tall<br />now rest under their feet buried by the sand<br />mats to be walked apon<br /><br />now you tell me <br />now you tell me<br />yeah<br /><br />sh sh sh shackles<br /><br />mechanical<br /><br />fine tuned urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:21727 2006-07-20T05:47:00Z 2006-07-20T05:47:00Z to busy to report myself gone<br />i am not in my head right now<br />not in my body<br />eh<br />i am not the Marquis Lamare Hamilton that you know<br />who who who has seem me?<br /><br />oh come on<br />i am up for a challenge<br /><br />one year erased<br />gone<br />byebye<br />cyacya<br /><br />i cant think of whats been going on, i havent been present.<br />i have<br />i have absorbed everything<br />meaning?<br />meaningless?<br />realative<br />who cares<br /><br />broken record<br />some people say their life is like a soap opera<br />mine is like a broken record<br />all i had to do was figure out what song it was playing over and over<br />and i was set<br /><br />that was to damned easy<br /><br />empires have fallen because my name be spoken in their direction<br />ego? no, you dont know what i am talking about now do you?<br />so you cannot place rational judgement on that though because what empire?<br />inside inside all inside my dear<br /><br />if i could play instraments well, i stop myself from saying the rest of that statement in fear that it isnt true, my brain just shut off what was to be said there, i cant bring it to surface again.<br />u u that word is spelled with a u<br /><br />if i could slow down the world, time, if i could step out of time, which i belive there is some way. for some reason i belive that.<br />i would do so during during during moments, moments where there is everything to lose. so i could watch whats lost and take everything into account.<br />and when you smile<br /><br />why have i been dreaming<br />you know what my dreams are of<br />i dont dream, i dont dream<br />stop looking in my head<br />but dont stop<br /><br />trains, i think like trains<br />what?<br />exactly what, that is the point.<br />that doesnt make sence<br />but it does to me<br />relative<br /><br />i love all of my scars<br />so much<br />i am so proud of them<br />cause they just show that<br />even beaten i wont fall<br />and that makes me smile<br /><br />lights are simple<br />its good<br /><br />i want to be welcome<br /><br />dont tolerate me becuase you feel it is nice<br /><br />speak speak speak<br />sometimes i want to play that game sometimes i dont<br />cant we just open our heads<br />dont be so hesitent<br /><br />if spiders could talk, i want to know whats in my walls, and i want to see it<br />and i want to know what its like to walk on cealings and walls<br />and to see with so many eyes<br />i wonder if they see anything we dont<br /><br />it would be so much easier to be a pet<br />think<br />free food and a place to live<br />and everyone is nice to you<br />usualy<br />also<br />no moral issues<br />dont have to worry<br /><br />i always spell that word with ie first<br /><br />i want romance<br />i want intencity<br /><br />most of this doesnt even matter<br />i had to get it out of my head so i had enough room to think logically<br />does that make sence?<br />yeah it does<br />to me<br />relative urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:21408 2006-07-20T04:56:32Z 2006-07-20T04:56:32Z i feel very devient right now<br /><br />i think i will take a walk<br />its 1am<br />why cant this town be alive<br />i want to go places<br /><br />my eyes are different right now<br />placed different<br /><br />i have courage<br />i feel miscivious<br />i feel dangerous in a good way<br /><br />i feel invicible right now<br />my insides are laughing<br />and i cant stop grinning<br /><br />i have to so many layers of thoughts<br />one after the other after the other<br />1 2 3 4 5 6 7<br />more more more<br />fast, i am thinking very fast urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:21001 2006-07-19T20:09:56Z 2006-07-19T20:09:56Z you speak what you know and you know just about everything. <br />you arnt shy and you know what you want, at least at the time. and how to get it<br />and that you can.<br />you body langauge shows that<br />you pick up on what to many people is to much<br />and your thoughts could fill an ocean<br />that is to easy to see<br />you dont fit in becuase sadly you are a dying breed and no one reaches the standards you reach anymore<br />or so it would seem<br />but lets find out ok?<br /><br />and you have god inside you<br />that is just so easy to see<br />even from afar<br /><br />i guess that could be why your different and people notice urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:20841 2006-07-19T04:27:26Z 2006-07-19T04:27:26Z Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Thats whats going on inside of me right now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ohthestories:20503 2006-07-17T19:32:52Z 2006-07-17T19:32:52Z what am i talking about?<br /><br />i dont know<br /><br />someone thinks this way<br /><br />ha